Category 2, Category 4

Independence and Vulnerability: How do we form healthy behavioral patterns of co-dependency?

The demise of the traditional family unit and the absence of the male presence in many homes have forced women to take on the role of head of household.  Taking on this non-traditional role has forced an over powering need for a sense of independence and often makes us view vulnerability as weakness.  We often feel like we have to shout just to be heard.  Shout by declaring our independence and ability to do it on our own.  Shout by proclaiming our lack of need for romantic relationship even if it’s only to convince ourselves of this shallow truth.  By design, we were put here to be partners and helpmates.  Though society and changes in the family dynamic have altered our outlook, we must work to strike a balance between independence and submission.  Realize that there is power in relinquishing control.  Allowing a man to step into his role as leader.  Understanding that the role of submission is one of bravery.  “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.  Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – W. Churchill.

(Another perspective on co-dependency)  Women have always looked each other as sounding boards.  Allies in the women against the world battle.  Sisters in the struggle so to speak.  We chat about the latest gossip, current relationship issues, and our girlfriends are who we tend to seek out when needing advice on major life decisions.  Often to the detriment of our romantic relationships, we involve our friends in the intimate details, successes and failures of our relationships.  So much so that our friends often know a great deal more than our partners would like.  We become so co-dependent and accustomed to seeking their input on relationship choices, career decisions, and even fashion selections that we find ourselves handicapped without their input.  Our girlfriends provide valued opinions, undeniable support, and honest feedback.  However, understand that we are ultimately responsible for our own choices and the consequences that result from them.

Questions to Ponder: In the day of the modern woman, how do we perfect the balance of independence and the vulnerability required for complete submission to our husbands?  How much is too much when revealing intimate relationship details?  How do we become secure enough in our abilities that the input and validation of our sister circle is unnecessary in our decision making process?


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