Category 4

The grass isn’t greener!


I married the first man that I fell in love with. He treated me like a Queen. He treated my family like they were his own. He promised me that he would take care of me and never break my heart.

We were a couple for eleven years and married for eight years. During the 5th year of our marriage he changed. He no longer cared about what I did, how I looked, what I said, etc. I suggested counseling. He said, “No.” I changed my look, he didn’t notice. I gave him his space, he wanted more.

After countless attempts to make my marriage work, I decided to throw in the towel and in the 8th year of our marriage, I filed for divorce. Despite a failed marriage I still hoped for another chance at love.

A year later I met someone. The relationship lasted for several years. In our 4th year, I found out he had herpes and that he passed it onto me. He had it for many years, unbeknownst to me and he wasn’t honest enough to tell me. He thought he would lose me if he told me. Even with this new information I wanted to stay in the relationship because I loved him.

We later visited the doctor together – the doctor confirmed that he did indeed have herpes. The doctor educated me on this disease and assured me it wasn’t a death sentence. We began planning our wedding and spending the rest of our lives together. He broke up with me a year later.

I picked up the pieces (barely) and did just that. Never looked back, but worked on myself and thought about the many bad decisions had I made in the past.

I thought about how the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s usually just a higher water bill. Although I walked away from a loveless marriage; my next relationship was even more destructive. How could I have been such a fool to trust a man to tell me the truth, when I should have controlled my actions, my life and made us take a blood test together.

I didn’t want to tell my story to be judged harshly because I’m already paying the ultimate price, but just as a warning for those of you who treat sex like it’s a handshake.

I have to live with this for the rest of my life. My fears haunt me every day. My hopes of meeting someone who will accept, embrace and love me in spite of my condition are scarce.

My advice: Be safe. Get tested. Try abstinence. Don’t be quick to leave a situation because the next one might change your life forever.


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